There were several things I was getting together to share via email this morning but then needed a time out for several hours on the phone with some folks I needed to get on the same page with.  I forgot about having earlier also pasting “I think you are the father of one of my kids” to the bottom of the Hillsborough item I was sharing.  I had run across several things in our communications lately and the rest of my life that maybe having a laugh and sharing these thoughts might help us some.

Ironic somewhat, in that what I wanted to share was that most problems can be traced back to communications – lack of communications, poor communications, improper communications, etc.  I think most of us realize how the tone of how we communicate certainly affects our communications.   I also think too many of us can forget just how important listening is and the degree to which we engage ourselves is equally as important.

Communication does not always mean talking, sometimes it means listening. 

There is a very real difference between trying to give someone the impression you are listening, and truly and actively listening. 

You are not engaging in active listening if you are thinking of what you are going to say next while the other person is still talking. 

At work the other day, I watched someone repeatedly opening their mouth to start to say something for about three minutes while someone was talking to her about important information she needed to know.  She was so obsessed with giving her opinion that she did not hear a thing that she needed to hear.  When it was her turn to speak she repeated all but one of the things that had been addressed and in asking if she had not heard what had just been said, it was apparent – that although standing 2 feet away and looking directly into the speakers face - she had actually heard almost none of what had been said to her.

There are things we want to share with people elected to represent us, but true communication is something that genuinely helps us.  This is why establishing a rapport is so important.  It is important to listen to what our elected officials have to say as well.  Actually having communication allows you to glean tidbits that can be very important today and even maybe for tomorrow.  Encounters that allow this type of communication are very valuable and important learning tools for us.  Please do not waste opportunity by failing to actively engage in listening.  Truly listening may give us keys to things we may never learn otherwise.

This applies to all of our other relationships as well.  In dealing with each other, if we do not truly listen to each other, then we truly will never be able to work together to the best ends possible.  Particularly in times of disagreement, active listening helps us more fully understand another position.  A fuller understanding can allow us to engage into a workable compromise that otherwise may not have been possible.  Fully listening also helps us to ask pertinent questions that will allow us to learn even more.  If we truly listen, we will more fully be aware of someone’s position.  Achieving a real understanding can often significantly narrow a perceived disagreement down to a single bone of contention.  A little extra time in listening can save a lot of unnecessary hashing out and allow more concentration on the real area compromise is needed upon.  Not listening with your full attention results in poorer communication that can easily lead to mistaken areas of disagreement.  Even when we find ourselves dealing with someone who is not listening, if it is evident to them that we have stopped transmitting and are actively listening to what they are saying, most times that will earn us a turn to ask them to reciprocate and then we will succeed in sharing our information with them.

There is certainly any number of barriers to overcome in having good communications or achieving good listening.  Life is full of simple distractions.   We have a lot to gain by becoming better listeners and learning to ask the most effective probing questions, as well as how to and when to ask those questions.  These things will even come more naturally to us when we slow down enough to concentrate on active listening………..and there are certainly many things we can save ourselves from as well, like unnecessarily showing our hand like in the little tale below……… 

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.  He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"  

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

 She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."